Going back through my life to put bits together for a putative book has had a negative effect on me. I’ve found myself dragged back and in my attempts to illustrate my journey, the spectre of the misery memoir has made its presence known.
Fortunately, this little setback has also shown me how far I really have come, in that usually I end up overwhelmed and ‘reverting to type’ – impatient, angry etc. None of these happened this time, instead I recognised that I was fighting imaginary battles, which has been enough to make me sit up and take notice.
After the school run, I put on some beautiful mantra music that is my current go to for meditation and allowed myself to let go and simply be with the music. I then drew a card from my favourite Tarot deck – the Nine of Wands (inverted). Interpretations for this card tend to be along the lines of take a breather, you’ve come quite far, but you are probably blocking yourself from your potential – don’t give up now. However, because it is inverted, the message can be a little different.
In my case today, the message was clear – don’t push on as you have, that is not the way forward, instead grasp the opportunity I have been exploring, turn round and find another path. Further intuiting that the blog is definitely the right way to go at the moment, but putting effort into the book by exploring and thus holding onto painful memories and not letting go of old battles, is not. I will, by writing the blog, put snippets together for a book that is a guide and not a misery memoir.
I am also fighting another perennial battle and that is with my weight. I have taken today’s message to heart on that subject too. I will find another way to reconcile myself to something that has been like a millstone round my neck my entire life, here too I need to let go of old stories and release myself from my self imposed boundaries that are keeping me trapped.
Catching up with my Spirit Guides is such a blessing. Time to just be, take stock, listen to intuition and move forward. Another step in the right direction.