Being on the horns of a dilemma is never easy. When one has to choose between two things, both of which are unpleasant. Escaping between those horns requires proving that one of the choices is false thus showing the moral dilemma argument to be unsound. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Not if you are grasping the dilemma by the horns and trying to prove the other choices false too.
Vicious circles abound.
The dilemma will probably swirl round and round in your head, multiple options appear, only to be discounted. Pros and Cons flit to and fro, but no easy resolution is in sight. The dilemma and the swirling arguments for and against are all generated by our human side, as opposed to our Spiritual side. Taking a step back, stilling the mind, detaching oneself from the issue – even if just for a few moments – can give oneself space. If the solution truly is not coming from our human side, then opening ourselves up to Spiritual guidance may well bring some peace to the argument raging in our heads.
By Spiritual guidance I mean establishing a direct connection to the Deity to which you cleave – personal prayer, meditation, mantra, breathwork, drumming etc. I make this distinction to illustrate the difference between adhering to Dogma and listening to your own inner Spiritual voice. Connect with your own Spiritual energies and allow them to give you peace and guidance so that the treacle you think you have to wade through becomes a lot less sticky.
I’ve often found that allow myself to calm and centre gives me a sense of perspective from which to look at my dilemma. Journalling is also a useful go to tool for me. My journal contains quite a sticky moral dilemma that took some hard thinking and working through to find a peaceful solution.
When our eldest children started school, I was strongly befriended by one of the Mums. She seemed nice enough, if a little over helpful. Our relationship deteriorated within a year, unfortunately it was I that brought about the split by losing my temper in response to what I still consider to be her inappropriate behaviour. Believe you me, I’ve double and triple checked myself on that one! Still, I lost my temper, so I lost the moral high ground and the argument. Darn, cue things going from bad to worse and what had triggered my outburst soon became a veritable torrent of narcissistic abuse. In the four years we shared the same playground meet up space, the air would be thick with her negative energy and the toxicity was palpable. I have an innate sense of politeness and mutual respect. If I pass someone on the street (stranger or not) I will try and acknowledge them. To cut someone dead goes against my moral code and pricks my conscience. In this case, I knew that I had to find some peace with coming across her as the antipathy towards me was toxic. I needed to remove myself from absorbing her negativity every time she greeted me (trying to maintain her own high moral ground). So my dilemma was quite clear to me. How could I find a way to share space with this woman, pass her in the street in our small village and yet somehow avoid – without personal negativity – engaging with her toxicity, because of course, engaging established a connection I did not want and not engaging is of course rude and goes against my moral code. I journalled every last little bit of the whole sorry saga and my feelings, then I meditated deeply, particularly on the moral code side of things. Was it okay to want to be able to pass her by in the street with at most a polite nod, like I would for anyone else? Could I achieve this, without my conscience pricking me as to the politeness I should give to anyone of my acquaintance? Yes was the answer – I had reason enough to wish to protect myself, I was not being rude, I was creating my own space for my own self preservation. I conducted a small, careful spell to help me cut the toxic ties between us and render her in my world to nothing more than a passing stranger. It worked! I am now able to pass her in the street, at most politely nodding without a prick of conscience, I have established a polite distance for myself and am quite comfortable with it. I do not wish her ill. We were thrown together some time later because of a mutual hobby of the children. That was a little tricky to negotiate at first, she talks to all and sundry and we studiously avoid each other for the main part. One day we were thrown together in a team building sort of way and had to engage – so I did as I had with the others present, which floored her somewhat because she couldn’t! Cue a little schadenfreude – something else I shouldn’t allow to mar my positive mindset.
What if though, one finds oneself deciding to live a life fitting one’s moral code, but this requires being totally and utterly cut off from their community, children and family? Unfortunately I have no answers. The resolving of a dilemma, where delving deep within oneself to find inner peace results in only being able to live that peace without that which you love the most just doesn’t make any sense – how can there possibly be peace? ‘On the horns of a dilemma’ indeed. Whatever resolution is found will require enormous self sacrifice. If anything, achieving true deep inner peace with the sacrifice one has to make will probably be the hardest part of the decision, but may be its salvation.
No one can touch your thoughts and innermost feelings and your true self may have to remain just there, hidden – nourishing you as you manage the consequences of your decision.