After a five year interval, I’ve intuited strongly to recommence my blog but in a slightly different vein. Those five years have been a tough learning curve as I have dug deeper and deeper to open myself up to Psychic capabilities at the same time as ridding myself of influences and baggage that are no longer helpful nor necessary to my future.
Today’s blog is a summary of where I’ve been and an introduction to where I want to go with this. First and foremost … this is NOT (and was never intended to be) a ‘Misery Memoir’. I have absolutely no desire to document all the ills that I encountered in my life as some sort of homage to a history littered with the mistakes of others as well my own. The intention behind my blogs going forward is to illustrate how I managed to dig myself out of countless mires by recognising triggers and consequently analysing my dreams and memories. Thus resulting in being able to use different meditation and mindfulness techniques to genuinely release myself from the negative energies that influenced my daily life and constantly threatened the peace of mind of myself and my family.
Why? I’ve found it very useful over the years to pick up on the experiences of others and translate them into my own, thus finding peace. My intuition is guiding me to do this, I suspect so that others may benefit too.
The last five years – when I started this, my youngest was a toddler and the eldest enjoying his freedom at school. On reflection, I feel I can safely ascribe a lot of the angst I went through with both of my children in their earliest years, to a form of Post Natal Depression. I wouldn’t say I was depressed per se, but my hormones certainly fluctuated wildly and I was prone to periods of severe self doubt, anger and frustration. Manifesting in social anxiety, angry outbursts, inability to make meaningful connections and a SERIOUS case of ‘clinginess’. All these were not new to me, but I genuinely thought I had overcome them. Nope – I had masked them with a veneer of ‘successful in her career glamour’ (for want of a better phrase).
I was already on a journey of self discovery and improvement, but I got stuck for a while, absorbing negative energy around me and generally feeling like I was wading through treacle. Throughout this though, I did also do some amazing Spiritual Work. I undertook Chrissie Astell’s Journey with the Archangels, even going so far as to start up my website with the idea of helping people with Overwhelm – except that I realised that I couldn’t cope with own, so who the heck was I to start telling others what may or may not help them!! Of course, this resulted in more self doubt. About the same time, as a family, we encountered a particularly thorny issue, which has needed very careful navigation, unimaginable amounts of soul searching and a great deal of meditative healing in order to find a way forward. Raising two bright inquisitive children has its own challenges too!
Then COVID-19 struck! Throwing us all into an unprecedented world of lockdowns, home-schooling, masks, fear, anxiety and oh yes – frustration. Frustration of such monumental levels across so many different areas of our lives, resulting in feelings of such helplessness and anger. There have been buckets of tears in this house, slammed doors, voices shouting out their fears, confusion, lack of control …. ah and loneliness too.
I recognised that in order to regain some control over the situation and deal with the myriad emotions flowing out of all us, that I had to do some serious inner soul searching to clear myself of a ‘backlog’ of feelings of mistrust, deception, betrayal, pain, shame, anger, frustration .. and oh … did I mention betrayal. The (by far primary) source of which was my Mother who in turn had her history of much the same, as did (at the very least) her Mother before her, though I suspect it goes back for more generations than that. My Mother and her Mother are long gone from this earthly world and I truly hope that they have found peace in Spirit, but their legacies lived on and I was ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED – ‘this far and NO further’.
As I mentioned earlier, this blog will NOT be a misery memoir. I have been doing healing work on the subject of my emotional black hole for the past thirteen years, ever since I had the opportunity to meet my earthly Spiritual Mentor and change my life for the better.
As part of the healing process, I started to learn to read the Tarot with the guidance of a lovely friend – Inbaal (www.inbaal.com). It is through her guidance, that I have strengthened my Psychic Abilities. I have read for many friends and strangers and loved every minute of it. Though practice has been at a premium the last three months, I’m learning a new deck and hope to soon get some paying customers ‘through the door’, so that I can continue the good work.
One thing with opening up and truly recognising one’s Psychic Abilities though, is that all sorts of skeletons creep out of your cupboards. Things you truly thought were dead and buried … it is those I will explore in future blogs, in the hope that they light a spark somewhere for someone and provide a little help.
The tone will be ‘there can be no greater betrayal (than that of a Mother unable to overcome her past and unconditionally love her child/ren)’ and what helped me to see the light and come through the other end.