If you are a sceptic / afraid of all this mystic stuff / have trouble believing in it etc. You have my understanding, sympathy and empathy. I know what it is to struggle with the idea of snapping an elastic band on my wrist to bring myself out of a negative spiral of self talk, or to try really really hard to ‘just let it go’. I’m afraid, for me, they just never resonated. If they work for you – that is wonderful.
I researched and tried a great many different tools until I found what worked for me.
How’s it going to help though? Well, in my experience, initially simply feeling calm and at peace for a short while was enough to help me see that there was an alternative to the way I had been living.
My modus operandi for most of my life unless I was immersed in music, swimming or soaking up the sun, was to permanently have, what I can only describe as a little voice constantly in my head. Questioning, running alternative scripts to scenarios, doubting, getting angry, just generally getting in the way. Over my recovery, I have heard this little voice referred to by others as (pardon the language) ‘that fucking monkey’, so for brevity, tfm shall be it’s name going forward. I understand I am not alone in having had to live with a tfm, though I am VERY relieved to report that tfm disappeared a good long while ago. I’m not entirely sure when – three or four years ago. It reappeared briefly when some stress hit our family just under three years ago, then took a rather more permanent hike.
I had to work to get tfm to ‘do one’, as they say in Yorkshire – that’s a different story. For today, tfm would take a holiday when I was immersed in something I loved or during and for some time after a healing session (whatever form that took). That feeling of inner peace and quiet spoke volumes (don’t you just love a mixed metaphor!), and in that beautiful peaceful place, I was able to just be. Nothing was nagging at me, I felt on top of the world and for a few days at least, my world was a pleasurable place to be. Until of course, life resumed and tfm decided it was time to return from its jollies.
So, that was the first thing, all this ‘stuff’ did, it gave me a breather, allowed me to see that there truly was an alternative to living without tfm on my shoulder. That beautiful peace, made me realise that I didn’t have to live with my manifestations of trauma, that they truly could be removed from life more permanently.
In effect, that is what I set out to do, I’d found a way to get tfm to shut up, so now I needed to build on that so that I could rid myself entirely of tfm and all it’s doings.
But how does it work? Ah, now that’s a bit more tricky to explain. Personally, I consider myself fortunate to have been able to connect to the Universal energy around us, to feel it’s healing power as it moves through me, quite literally cleansing me, giving me peace and tranquillity. Stopping the whirlwind that seemed to be a permanent part of who I was. I can’t explain it, it just is and if you’d like to find out how it feels, then try it. You don’t have to put your trust in a Reiki healer just yet, instead think of when you really have been happy or completely immersed in peace (without the ‘dubious benefit’ of alcohol or other stimulants) – listening to music, soaking up the sun, how do you feel after a particularly good workout? All of these will give you an indication of what it is you can achieve by allowing your mind to shut down the tfm.
Every little step along the way of feeling like you’ve got a handle on something that used to niggle or even outright bloody annoy you, so much so that it has no power over you any more, is an indication of your moving in the direction you need to be going.
Its a slow old process, but that peace and tranquillity, that feeling of having acknowledged something, faced it, looked at it, recognised it as toxic and decided it really has had its time is all possible. Most things have taken more than one session to get rid of. I started with little things, then gradually realised that these were all part of the same traumatic response, so was able to then look at the bigger picture and so on.
… please do comment …